That’s right, candidates.  Listen up.  You’re making America word sick. Some catch phrases need to be rushed to the nearest hospital emergency room for treatment before they start epidemics among voters.

And candidates, instead of The White House, you can wind up in an outhouse if you don’t take your vocabulary in for a medical checkup, maybe for outpatient word surgery.

Here’s what doctors prescribe for political patient’s whose malapropisms are at the top of the idiosyncrasies chart during this heightened political season with so many sick contagious words being coughed up or vomited at rallies!

First, the word ‘weird’ needs to come immediately to the nearest infirmary for an accelerated etymologically rehabilitation to mean a rare allergy to cat scans. 

Candidates who brag how modestly they exhibit symptoms of grandiosity are delusional and due for a truth serum vaccination in their swollen heads.

Illness is evident in those who say immigrants prefer to dine on than pet pets!      

If candidates say they won’t pay taxes they owe because they’re broke-n-hearted quickly give them gauze to cry on and call the nearest district attorney.

It’s a sign of virulent neo liberalism to want capitalism under strict Biden-Harris controls and democrat patients avoid waltzing in red states near Blue Danube’s. 

Trumped-up Charges?

Female patients must cease making false accusations Trump jumped them after reading in WitchHuntNews about indict-happy Jack’s latest attacks on Trump’s alleged acts.

If a patient is upset over carbon emissions causing climate change, counsel them that every day the same weather would be boring and unhealthy mentally! 

To determine mental acuity, show a photo of Biden with Trump, asking the patient if he or she would caption Trump as a “fellow” or “felon” president?  

If you ‘misspoke’ own up to it and admit to not being in Hong Kong during Tiananmen Square protest or saying you never hopped over subway turnstiles.

If Trump is reelected, some patients expect he’ll pardon himself, indict Kamala, expel all immigrants, assign Walz to KP duty, and award a Medal of Freedom to FOX News.  

But I prescribe this as the medicine for all our disappointment and bitterness.  Let’s bury our differences, inoculate ourselves with love for our democracy and applaud and respect whomever becomes our next President.

Hospital Bedpan Finale

As this impolite political season staggers to an exhausting denouement, let’s take a respite from calling each other derogatory names.  It’s time to get out of our word sick beds.  

Let’s find nicer, less agitative ways to describe our opponents than firing at them sick words like “hateful,” “harmful” and “mentally impaired.”  

Until the election, this is now a hospital we’ll be living in called the “United” States of America, so let’s begin the healing process. A way to start is by removing quotes around “United” and envision in MAGA a catchy new slogan: Make America Grown-up Again!