What’s in a Name? Get to Know The Names at your Job and in Your Life

Dale Carnegie wrote one of the best-selling how-to books in history, "How to Win Friends and Influence People.” It has sold more than 30 million copies to date. In it, he shared this sage advice:

“Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”

This truism goes to the heart of why learning and using names openly and correctly – especially first names -- is important to developing more meaningful connections with the people you work with, know, and come into contact with. It’s even truer for those of us employed in public relations and other management functions. 

Our work puts us face-to-face with the leaders and influencers of our employer’s most valuable audiences. Whether we work for a profit, nonprofit, government, NGO, consultant, or military organization, we’re responsible for helping to build mutually beneficial relations with these VIPs.

What better way to do this than to know them personally? People’s names are a critical aspect of their identity. They reflect their ethnic, national, cultural, and family heritage – their “blood” in the old-school metaphorical sense. When we use their names, people typically feel more accepted and valued. When we don’t, they often feel slighted, even if they don’t say so. 

I know from over 40 years of part-time teaching in graduate-degree programs at major universities that a common complaint among students is that their professors don’t know or use their names correctly. This concern has grown in the past two decades as American colleges and universities have admitted tens of thousands of students from non-English-speaking countries, from Asia and Africa in particular. The situation is critical enough for many of these students to adopt American nicknames in lieu of their given names. 

When I asked about the reason for this, the students in question said the anglicized names made them feel less “alienated” than if they hadn’t. Equally important, it makes connecting with their professors easier and more fulfilling than if they hadn’t made the change. I could imagine doing the same thing if I attended college where English wasn’t the primary academic language. 

Consider what happens in business meetings, workshops, and conferences when you use or don’t use the names of people you associate with or meet. Watch their reactions. Note the distinctions – e.g., smiles versus frowns, attentiveness versus inattentiveness, interest versus disinterest. Note, in contrast, how you feel when you’re not named or not named correctly. 

Satisfaction of Action

How do we do a better job of learning and remembering names? 

You start by asking people you work with what their names are and how to pronounce them if they’re not obvious. Then, do what you must to remember them (e.g., add them to your contact lists, write them on meeting agendas and supporting documents, repeat their names in your head each time you interact, or use a mnemonic. You can ask again if you forget. Those questioned will appreciate the extra effort.

Of course, some names will be easier to pronounce and remember like mine – Don Bates. Others will be more difficult depending on your cultural experience. What about Assqil, Batsaikhan, Chandni, Dashiell, Hide, Jaime, Kivanc, Saiorse, Xiaojian, or Zosia? (As spelled, the pronunciations may seem obvious. They’re not.)

By learning and using names more intentionally, you’ll also become more confident when talking with others. This will strengthen your relationships. You’ll develop more rewarding collegial connections. You’ll win greater respect and trust from clients, which will enhance your chances of developing more business and referrals. And you’ll be more successful with the media and other big-league “influencers.” 

Learning and using names is also a great management skill. It will help you get to know your employees and staff. It will also help you to “work the room” in a crowd of peers, VIP politicians and government officials, or prospective employers, recruits, clients, board members, funding sources, and vendors. It will help you enter the larger world and connect more directly with the incredible diversity that binds and bonds us. In a word, it will make you more “human” and accessible than otherwise.

If you need a push or extra layer of encouragement to get in the game, consider the following advice offered by Headmaster Dumbledore in J.K. Rowling’s “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.” It echoes what Dale Carnegie said but adds a deeper psychological dimension that behooves us to weigh as we work, individually and collectively, to heal the wounds of racial, social, and political injustice around the world.

Call him Voldemort, Harry. Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.

So, knowing and using names is a good habit for each of us to embrace, both inside and outside public relations and other management functions – in all of our daily engagements, for that matter. 

Why not make it a behavioral tic all around? Why not train yourself and others to do a better job of it? Borrowing from Daniel Goleman’s six leadership styles in his gangbuster bestseller guide, “Emotional Intelligence,” why not build a more affiliative world for you and the rest of us?