Learning How to Apologize Can be Just as Powerful as Apologizing Itself

Michael Shmarak, Sidney Maxwell Public RelationsWhen did you first learn how to apologize?Let me imagine at least one person's earliest form of apology training:When you were a young child, you got angry at the kid who stole chocolate pudding from your lunchbox. You started fighting him on the playground for every kid to see.The fight broke up, and both you and the thief ended up in the principal’s office. You needed to acknowledge that you were just as wrong as the other kid was. You were both sent home for the day to think about your actions.Now I am going to make another assumption here — many of you never learned how to properly apologize to anyone. You learned “I’m sorry” and thought that would cover it. Yet here we are way past our grade school days, and much of Corporate America does not appreciate how a proper and strategic apology can mitigate a lot of problems that take place.That’s a problem—and it’s growing.United We (Don’t) StandUnfortunately, we all saw two first-hand accounts of Apologies Gone Wild when Pepsi had to backtrack from its Kendall Jenner advertisement, and how United Airlines’ Oscar Munoz issued three statements that didn’t resemble strong apologies. Had United gotten it right the first time, and had Pepsi taken a different position in its response, perhaps both organizations would be in different places today.Choosing to apologize is a strategy. Giving an apology is a tactic. Reread those last two sentences again, because it is where most companies and executives fail. For starters, there is a huge difference between “I’m sorry for…” and “I apologize for…” The verb in the first sentence? “Am.” You exist. “Sorry” is the adjective that validates the process of existing. In other words, the apology holds no water. In the second sentence, the verb is “apologize.” It’s an action. People want to see action and not process.Speaking specifically about United Airlines, it was clear that there was no clear-cut strategy for how to approach the apology, as witnessed by the whole “re-accommodate” statements and related follow-up statements. There were attempts to make the problem go away, to put the onus on a belligerent passenger and that it was a law enforcement issue (NOTE: law enforcement issued a statement before UAL did, one that had a specific action included, i.e., removing the officer from active duty).But the failure to not have a plan caused more problems than were planned for.A full-blown apology has to include responsibility, sympathy and accountability. A full statement of apology needs to include the following six pieces to meet the full criteria:✓Acknowledge what you did wrong.✓Take responsibility for your actions.✓Acknowledge the impact your actions had on others.✓Apologize for having caused pain or done damage.✓State your future intentions and repair the damage.✓Above all else, do not make excuses.When making an apology, organizations often don’t follow one or more of these pieces of the recipe. The acknowledgement phase also means one must recognize the impact the actions had on other people and showing genuine remorse for the pain and damage that has been caused.I recently saw an apology from a Major League Baseball manager saying, “I’m sorry if I offended anyone…” This is a personal favorite of managerial blunders; it happens often because management does not want to acknowledge the problem one has caused.Importantly, a strong apology must show some sort of measurement to prove that you’re holding yourself accountable for your actions.“I apologize to everyone who was affected by our actions. The system is at fault…”This is one that has been showing up increasingly in statements in the professional services and pharmaceutical sectors. Sure, there could be “problems in the system” where you work; there could be problems that affect how you do your job. But think about your customers. Do they care about that? Do they want excuses? They truly don’t care about the system; they do care about your product or service failing them.Proving how one is going to repair the damage that was done or state future intentions proves the strategy is not an empty promise. This is how we hold ourselves accountable, as well as provide proof to stakeholders that we are truly putting our money where our mouths are.Otherwise, our words are going to be as empty as our wallets. [author]About the Author: Michael Shmarak is a senior-level strategist and communications counselor, with extensive experience in public relations strategy, national media relations, message development, crisis communications, organizational positioning and staff development.[/author]