The Inside Story Why JD Vance Was Chosen By Former President Trump

The following tongue-in-cheek essay about why Donald Trump chose JD Vance as his running mate highlights how many PR professionals operate. When significant news breaks, they often scramble to get their clients in front of editors and producers to offer comments on the situation. However, this is usually a waste of time because most editors and producers already have a list of "experts" they've reached out to.

The more strategic approach, in my opinion, and one I’ve successfully employed, is to “write around” the situation. This means crafting content that references the news but has a longer shelf life and isn’t entirely about the current event. There are many columnists in feature syndicates that most PR people overlook because they’re not published in the usual media outlets.

I’ve had great success targeting these less-known columnists with what I call “rainy day” material—content that they can easily adapt to their own style. These columnists, who aren’t typically approached by PR professionals, are often more open to receiving usable material, not pitches. Some have used sections of my material directly, while others have developed full columns based on the ideas I provided.

Part of my outreach always includes several client quotes that are ready to be used. These quotes don’t have to focus solely on the situation at hand but can position the client as a thoughtful and responsible figure.

The essay below is an example of what I might send out as a suggested Halloween column. It’s relevant to the moment—Trump’s references to “the great late Hannibal Lecter”—but still serious since it's tied to a presidential candidate's rhetoric. With this, I’d include client quotes on two topics: 1) why they encourage their employees to be informed voters and 2) tips on keeping children safe on Halloween. While these quotes don’t necessarily address all key talking points, they still position the client as a conscientious and caring individual.

Few people know that before beginning a lengthy career in public relations, after being a reporter and editor on New York City dailies until they ceased publishing, that I was given a life-line by the owner of the political boutique firm Earle Associates.

The owner of the firm offered me free office space while I was job hunting. Occasionally, he would ask me if I could think of creative publicity approaches for a candidate, which I was glad to do pro bono, but was always told, “If you refuse to let me pay you, I’ll never asked you to do so again.” 

Eventually, I was offered a job, which included my doing public relations work and editing the weekly newspaper that the firm published.

It was during my stint at the political agency that I made friends with others involved in the political business, one of whom is now on the staff of Donald Trump.

We touched base in Milwaukee the day after the GOP convention ended. He was visibly upset and told me so was the former president. 

“Why,” I asked, “the convention seemed to go smoothly?” “It was a disaster as far as the president is concerned,” he told me, “and if you promise to keep my name out of it, I’ll tell you why Mr. Trump is so heartbroken.

“Everyone thinks that the president was considering South Carolina Senator Tim Scott, Ohio Senator J.D. Vance, North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum, Florida Representative Byron Donalds, New York Representative Elise Stefanik, Florida Senator Marco Rubio, Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton and former Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson for vice president. None were ever on Mr. Trump’s short list.

“His choices for vice president were Dracula, Frankenstein, The Mummy, The Wolfman, The Warewolf and, of course, ’the late great Hannibal Lecter’ He said he would let the delegates decide who should be his running mate, although not before saying that he hoped they would select ‘the late great Hannibal Lecter.’ My source told me that Mr. Trump also wanted to consider Pinocchio because, Mr. Trump said, ‘He’s just like me. He also never lies,’ but was told that Pinocchio wasn’t old enough to meet the Constitutional requirement.

“It took hours of convincing him that those were not actual people, but fictional characters played by actors. He wanted proof that it was not a Democratic Party PSYWAR plot to get him to abandon his choices for the vice presidential spot. We flew in Hollywood producers, directors, scriptwriters, make-up artists and actors, who were dressed like the fictional characters.

After several hours of  watching movies and seeing how make-up artists made normal looking people appear on the screen as monsters, Mr. Trump said he would give us the benefit of the doubt for the time being and remove all but one monster from his vice presidential list. That one, of course, was the ‘late great Hannibal Lecter,’ and that after he was elected he would ask his Justice Department to open an investigation to determine if it  was a Democratic plot to make him think that the characters were not real. 

Until the investigation is concluded he would place them on his short list for important cabinet positions and have ‘the late great Hannibal Lecter’ serve as his Secretary of State, because he can solve the world’s problems by having ‘the late great Hannibal Lecter’ eat all chiefs of states that do not comply with American policy.

“He thanked all the people from Hollywood and rewarded them with a MAGA hat by charging them only $25.00 each and told them to check with their accountants to see if it’s tax deductible.” My friend said he also told them that he would give a discount on every Bible and pair of Trump sneakers they bought and autograph them for only one dollar more. He was shocked that there were no takers and I had to remind him that not every person in the world is a Trump supporter. “Really? That’s news to me and I know you’re wrong and that you’re also wrong about the ‘late great Hannibal Lecter’” Trump said, “because I have dinner with him every night and he gives me policy advice while I’m sleeping.’”

But since he had to choose a vice president before the convention ended, he reluctantly chose JD Vance. And that’s how JD Vance became Mr. Trump’s choice for vice president.

My source also told me that Mr. Trump already has made up his mind who he will appoint as his chief of staff – Professor Moriarty.